Pensando

Well, woke up feeling more or less terrible today, my throat feels like I've been swallowing razor blades! Not surprising, I was probably due for another round of strep throat anyway.

We've been having nothing but sunshine here, so even though it's reasonably cold-I'm loving it. I'm getting much more accustomed to the fact that I'm in Argentina, I think that the original feeling of "Oh my god! I'm here! Ah!" has faded away, and I feel less like a stupid American and more like a normal traveler.

I didn't expect that I would be learning so much about myself here, I feel like I have collected these perfect vignettes of conversation, that completely capture feelings that I haven't been able to harness at home. I'm meeting some amazing people, people who open up and talk about things that they love, things that hurt them, and things that they wish they could change.

I've been thinking about this trail that gets people to where they are. I'm finding new reasons why I'm here every day, I'm realizing that I didn't just pick Buenos Aires out of a hat, but that it was ingrained in my subconscious through my experiences. Which is a little disappointing, I'll admit, because I like to feel like I'm spontaneous, but at the same time it's so perplexing and I don't even know how to describe it, it's like, I want to put my hands in it and figure out how my mind got me here.

I'm realizing who matters to me, I'm realizing that there isn't a right answer or a right decision and that things will bring themselves together in time. I'm also realizing that I need to work on budgeting my money, and that I need to learn how to cook something besides rice and beans.

I still don't know everything-obviously, and the big thing is, I'm not trying to know everything. I'm accepting when I'm wrong, I'm asking questions when I don't understand, and I'm doing everything I can to express myself. It's hard, because I want to be right, obviously, but I'm starting to like being wrong, because it means I'm learning things, and that's what I'm here for after all, to learn.

I know what I still need to work on. I need to focus on the fact that I'm still young and that I don't have to be serious all the time. But I also know that I have to recognize the things in my life that I'm not dealing with right now, and I have to understand that I'm going to have to deal with them at some point. I need to listen more. I need to understand more. I need to be a little easier on people, and I need to be a little easier on myself.

I've never felt like I was looking so forward to everything coming my way! Love it. So glad I'm here.